


Humanly

by MellonCollie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drunk Castiel, Human Castiel, M/M, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:45:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3777778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellonCollie/pseuds/MellonCollie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being an angel is less complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Humanly

**Author's Note:**

> My first Supernatural one shot-thing. Also this is my first fic in a really long time, that also means I don't have a beta, so please ignore any mistakes. I hope you enjoy.

There are so many emotions Castiel does not understand. Being an angel, a devout servant of God, there was no room for emotions. The only thing that mattered was what God wanted. If God wanted Castiel and the other angels to kill a thousand innocent people to save the whole world then it is done. There are no questions of morals because the world, the universe, all of God’s creation is more important than a thousand people. There has to be sacrifice and it is God’s will. 

Now Castiel is nothing more than a human as he sits under the dim lights of a bar. It was God's will that he would be human now and he accepts that, but now there is something brewing inside him. Just because he was an angel it did not mean he was completely clueless to how humans worked. He knew they felt emotions. He knew that some of those emotions could be the best feelings in the world and he knew that some could be the so painful. He knew that these emotions drove humans to act out in foolish ways and sometimes driving humans to do the unthinkable. 

Castiel stares intently at the mug of amber liquid sitting in front of him. He has always watched his close friend, the man God destined him to save from the dark pits of hell, Dean Winchester, drink so much of the vile liquid and he never understood why until now. A couple of sips of alcohol helped all your problems go away, and now he knew why Dean Winchester drank so much. It numbed the pain. 

Being human he began to understand morals. There were gray areas. There wasn’t any black or white. He knew it was wrong to drink his problems away. He knew it was wrong to numb the pain, but the gray areas between right and wrong allowed him to do so anyway. He no longer wanted to feel pain that he felt deep in his heart. It felt like his insides were being ripped apart and there was nothing he could do. It was uncontrollable and the only way he knew how to cope was to take a page from Dean’s book and have a beer. Castiel grimaced as he took a few sips, the aching he feels is still there but its more bearable now. 

The pain he feels is his heart breaking. As an angel you do not love, but being mortal changed everything. He did not understand what he was feeling while spending months helping Dean and his brother Sam Winchester fight monsters and demons. He did not understand the closeness he began to feel towards Dean after he turned human despite all the awkward situations he was put through because “Castiel needs to know all the fun a man can have” which meant going to what humans referred to as “whores” so Castiel could experience a human connection that he did not want to experience with someone he did not know or have any sort of feelings for. 

The fluttering he feels in his stomach every time he was around Dean made him sick and when he sees Dean flirting with a woman it makes him want to puke because the world he lives in can be cruel and he knows that most humans socially do not accept that a man could love another man even though God intended for love to have no boundaries. And he knew just knew how much Dean loved the “ladies.”  
He had no chance and that killed Castiel inside and it was the reason why he was on his third beer and feeling a bit light headed and woozy. The vessel he chose as his human form had no tolerance for alcohol and when he stood up the room spun, knocking him back into his seat. He knew he could not get home and the only option was to call Dean. It had been a few hours and he knew the girl he was with should have been gone by now. Sending a quick text, using one of the many cellphones that the Winchesters kept, he waited for Dean. And he knew thats all he would ever be doing if he did not make himself get over something he knew would never happen. 

It did not take long for Dean to show up and carry Castiel out. He loved how his strong arms felt around his body, the way his soap and the smell of his leather jacket mixed together in his nostrils making what humans called butterflies flutter in his stomach. 

Dean begins to laugh as he sees three empty beer mugs on the table, “You’re such a light weight, Cass. Lets get you back to the motel and get you cleaned up.” 

Dean helps Castiel get cleaned up and when Dean is finally ready for bed Castiel can’t take his eyes off his well sculpted body. He could not keep his eyes off his strong arms and his chest that God made so perfectly. He loved all of his scars from the years of being stabbed, shot, and cut that decorated his skin. His eyes traveled up to his face where he meets Dean’s beautiful eyes were curiously staring back at him. 

“You alright?” 

Castiel walks over slowly to him he feels very unsteady but confident as he closes the giant gap that was between them. He soon realizes why humans refer to alcohol as ‘liquid courage’ because all the doubt and pain he feels is gone and all that matters is letting the beautiful hunter in front of him how he truly feels even if it makes the pain worse. 

The young hunter remains frozen and curious as Castiel slowly reaches over and traces a scar on his bicep, “Cass, what are you doing?” 

Castiel looks back into the hunter’s eyes and the courage he felt a second ago is gone. “N-nothing. Just, thank you. For picking me up.” 

Dean laughs, “No problem, next time though take it easy on the beers. You’re not ready for the big leagues, just yet. I’m going to bed, good night Cass.” 

“Good night, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated. Please no mean comments. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. :)


End file.
